A recent tragedy is a painful reminder that young people can carry burdens adults never see. Knowing the warning signs — and knowing where to turn for help — can make a difference.
There are some stories that are difficult to write.
And there are some conversations that are even more difficult to have.
But sometimes those are precisely the conversations we need to be having.
A recent tragedy involving a young teenager in our region has once again brought attention to an uncomfortable reality: children and teenagers can experience profound emotional pain, depression, anxiety, hopelessness and other mental health struggles — sometimes without the adults around them realizing just how serious those struggles have become.
It is easy to look at a 13-year-old and think, What could possibly be so bad at that age?
But that question looks at a teenager's world through adult eyes.
To a young person, bullying can feel inescapable. A breakup can feel devastating. Problems at home can feel overwhelming. Academic pressure can seem impossible. Social media can turn embarrassment into something that feels permanent and public.
And depression does not require what an adult considers a “good reason.”
Mental illness is illness.
“I’m Fine” Doesn't Always Mean Fine
Teenagers do not always tell parents, grandparents, teachers or other trusted adults when they are struggling.
Sometimes they don't know how.
Sometimes they're afraid they won't be taken seriously. They may fear getting in trouble, being judged, having their phone taken away or being told that what they're experiencing is simply part of growing up.
Others may not fully understand what they're feeling themselves.
That makes it especially important for adults to pay attention when something changes.
Warning signs can include withdrawing from friends and family, suddenly losing interest in favorite activities, significant changes in sleeping or eating, declining grades, increased anger or irritability, frequent statements about being worthless or hopeless, giving away treasured belongings, or talking or posting about death.
One warning sign by itself does not necessarily mean a young person is suicidal.
But significant changes in behavior should not simply be dismissed as “teenage drama.”
Ask the Question
One of the most important things an adult can do is also one of the most uncomfortable:
Ask.
If you are genuinely concerned about a teenager, talk to them privately.
Tell them what you've noticed.
And if you are worried that they may be thinking about suicide, it is okay to ask directly whether they are thinking about hurting or killing themselves.
Don't lecture.
Don't immediately try to solve everything.
Listen.
A teenager who finally opens that door needs to know that the adult on the other side is willing to hear what they have to say.
And if they tell you they are considering suicide, have a plan to harm themselves, or appear to be in immediate danger, treat it as an emergency.
Do not leave them alone.
Call 911 or take them to the nearest emergency department when immediate intervention is necessary. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is also available by calling or texting 988.
Getting Help Before It Becomes a Crisis
Mental health care isn't only for emergencies.
In fact, getting help before someone reaches a crisis can be one of the most important steps a family takes.
That is where local mental health providers can play an important role.
Fresh Start Health, a sponsor of The Morehead Minute, provides mental health treatment services designed to help individuals struggling with mental and emotional health concerns.
Seeking treatment doesn't mean someone has failed.
And a teenager doesn't have to reach the point of crisis before asking for help.
Professional mental health treatment can provide a place to talk openly about what is happening, identify underlying concerns, develop healthier coping strategies and determine what additional treatment or support may be appropriate.
For parents and caregivers, professional help can also provide something extremely valuable: guidance.
Parents aren't expected to have every answer.
Sometimes loving your child means recognizing when the problem has become bigger than what the family can handle alone — and bringing in someone trained to help.
Put Down the Phone — and Listen
Adults also need to recognize that today's teenagers are growing up in an environment unlike the one many of us experienced.
For previous generations, an embarrassing moment at school might have been forgotten by the next week.
Today it can be photographed, recorded, posted, shared and commented on before the child even gets home.
Bullying doesn't necessarily stop when the school bell rings.
Social pressures follow young people into their bedrooms through the phones in their hands.
That doesn't mean social media is responsible for every mental health problem among teenagers. It does mean parents and caregivers need to understand the world their children are navigating.
Know who they're talking to.
Know what's happening in their lives.
Notice when their personality suddenly changes.
Most importantly, make sure they know there is nothing they can tell you that will make you stop loving them.
To the Teenager Reading This
Maybe you're reading this article because somebody shared it.
Maybe you're struggling right now.
Maybe everyone around you thinks you're doing fine.
You don't have to pretend.
Whatever is happening today may feel permanent.
It isn't.
Whatever mistake you've made, whatever somebody has said about you, whatever relationship has ended, whatever is happening at school or at home — there are people who can help you get through it.
Tell somebody.
A parent. A grandparent. A teacher. A counselor. A coach. A pastor. A doctor. A trusted adult.
You don't have to explain everything perfectly.
You can simply say:
“I'm not okay, and I need some help.”
That's enough to start the conversation.
And to the Adults
Don't assume they'll tell you.
Ask.
Don't assume they're being dramatic.
Listen.
Don't assume that because they're laughing with friends, posting on social media or saying “I'm fine” that everything really is fine.
Pay attention.
And when something doesn't seem right, don't be afraid to seek professional help.
We cannot prevent every tragedy.
But we can create homes, schools and communities where young people know that mental health is something they are allowed to talk about — and where asking for help is met with compassion rather than embarrassment.
Sometimes a conversation really can change the direction of someone's life.
NEED HELP NOW?
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or seek emergency medical assistance.
LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH TREATMENT
Fresh Start Health offers mental health treatment services for individuals and families in our area. Families concerned about a teenager's mental or emotional health can contact Fresh Start Health to learn more about available services and whether their programs are appropriate for their child's needs.
Fresh Start Health is a sponsor of The Morehead Minute. Sponsorship supports our ability to provide local news and community information. The editorial content of this article was produced by The Morehead Minute.